Once, on my way to a dream, I got lost and found a better one.
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3CGB023--disposing of lit cigarette butt during wildfire alert
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- I have unsuccessfully tried to download iTunes update (7.6.2) or whatever about ten times and something fucks up with my QuickTime Player each time .. help??!?!
- I love Microsoft Office 2007, and fuck all of you who don’t.
- ABC isn’t allowing me to watch last night’s Grey’s Anatomy so I’m just sitting here mad drowsy cuz it’s raining like a motherfucker and lord knows I haven’t slept well in weeks.
- The battery on my computer is spazzing so I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to get it replaced in some fashion very soon. What are the life expectancies on these things and how costly will it be?
- Just registered for my first class for grad school .. of course I'm wait-listed. Their policy is that you pay the full amount for the class anyway and attend all classes and complete all assignments and they just sort of ... tell you if you're not wait-listed anymore. Lame.
- Finding great apts for my friend and I in the Boston area. Okay, so "great" is very much over-stating what's actually going on, but I'm so excited about it that I think everything a bit more rose colored, and I'm aware of this and I'm so happy that I can be exhilarated about things. 4.5 weeks < T < 8 weeks
Isn't there a rule somewhere that says exes aren't supposed to enter your life ever. again.? I'm not talking about the most recent ex, whom I'm sure the lot of you have grown to hate, but one from a little over a year and a half ago. It was weird because I had seen him for a moment the last time I went to the city and we exchanged hellos as there was really nothing worth talking about. It's always been my position that we at one point were set to spend the rest of our lives together and then .. we weren't .. so simple pleasantries would just always seem forced. Anyway, a lot has changed since our time together (a year off the drugs for me, finally entering his twenties for him) so I honestly respect him and truly wish him the best in his endeavors and I'm not just saying that. I mean, I hope he finds love and hope and happiness and success. But so I had contemplated sending him an email just checking in since we haven't had a proper conversation since a few months after the split but I just ended up thinking better of it, realizing that the inner peace I had achieved really was so exceptional that why would I go and fuck it up now, yknow?
Out of absolutely nowhere he texts me today asking for an assignment from a class we took together in college Fall 2006. He's getting ready to graduate so I assume that something messed up with this grade or with this class or .. something. That, or he just wanted some excuse to text me and thought of that class. (Hey, it happens, trust.) Either way, I told him I was 30 minutes out from my house and that I'd check when I got home, all the while envisioning a conversation with him that just went so well, even allowing my mind to just drift back to some of the times we shared and just .. yeah. I happened to find the assignment he was looking for when I returned home (shout to Gmail) and my final paper for the class which, if he was in a bind, he might need, so I gave him a quick call - he asked me to forward it to him and I had to ask for his email address, which I had deleted along with everything else in my life that could be connected to him (though I recognized his phone number from having called and texted it several times a day for over a year) and then he got off the phone quickly telling me he was going inside some place.
And it hit me.
The first time I had spoken to him in a year plus some change and it's because he wants something. And I'm not going to take back all those nice things I really do want for his life, but to think that even for a moment I allowed myself to get into this mindset that maybe we could be friends and maybe we could chat is just so absurd that I'm wondering who in the world this is sitting here typing this right now. I loved that guy with every fiber of my being, no questions, but what is it about me that so desperately hopes for the best all the time? It feels so sickeningly naïve about how people are and if and when I'll find people to be a part of my life who aren't wanting things or anything, really.
that maybe I have found the reason for VOX, the purpose, the benefit to me. Instead of an endless parade of other peoples works (though I like having a place to save things that bring me comfort) maybe I need to focus. How did The Moody Blues put it? " . . . Letters I've written, never meaning to send . . ." Well, I said today inside my head that I would not write you this year. You know what time of year it is. It's 'that' time. The time when I screwed up my schedule and ended up with only 24 hours with you. The first time in my life I accepted death within the metal bird as a necessity if I was ever to see you. The time you told me it would be even harder now that we had been together to be apart. The time of year I get paid to have my ass chewed on, yet you made it all melt as I listened to you take the young men shopping.
Anyway, not reminiscing, just saying what time of year it is. And I've decided that if I have any shred of decency left, I'll honor your request. You're right my ass is stubborn. The problem with stubborn is, eventially it breaks. So one step at a time . . .
And I'm 99.8% sure you'll never read this, so I really can just let the shit roll from my lips, knowing it'll not bother you in the slightest.
happy birthday hubby!!! do you remember this picture from last year? LOL!
no crows this year, i'm sure he was happy about that...
tonight we are starting the celebration at my bro's apartment. this is actually the first time he has us over and he's been there a year already...times flies. he's such a typical bachelor. ;o) i'm excited to get together with his friends and co-workers to watch the lakers game plus play some good ol' rock band. i don't know if i will work up the courage to sign but maybe after a couple vodka tonics with extra limes i will be good to go!
i got hubby a couple outfits and i had a fruit/nut basket mailed to his office this morning. i couldn't pass up embarrassing him since i know how much he hates to let peeps know it's his birthday...lol!
tomorrow we are having friends and family over for a bbq. hope we will all survive the hot weather...ugh!
happy birthday hon, love ya!
The last trapping of my lost wallet has been replaced: the Costco card.
Taking full advantage of my latest sickly days, I got into work late so I could go to Costco and get the card. I got there 10 minutes before opening, just in time to watch an initially small -- and then much larger -- group of people amass by the door. Seriously: carts lined up, I actually caught one guy *stretching*. I needed a flare gun or a checkered flag, I'm sure.
I hate having my picture taken, by the bye. Hate it. Photos never come out right and the monochrome, digital square inch on the back of my Coscto card is no exception.
Card acquired, I meandered around a bit -- apparently they have True Religion jeans for $110, so let's go stock up on that. They have the last book from my book club but not the next one; they also had every kind of DVD that I like -- and already own. Costco for me was kinda "meh" today.
And yes, I'm feeling better. P-Ade came over last night and I medicated, medicated, medicated-- with SuperSecretP-Ades'Mom's Cookie Recipe. I cannot share it with ANYONE under PENALTY OF DEATH. But I have raw cookie dough just waiting to be baked up, and yes I worked out today to mitigate the damage.
So here I sit at work, still a bit wheezy with that weird chest pressure thing, but feeling generally much better.
TGIF!
Show us your gorgeous eyes.
Submitted by [Susan].
I had a fun idea for Self Portrait Thursday, but just did not do it, so today I tried it. Kind of fun, kind of strange, but that defines me. Fun and strange. Haha.
I met a lovely gal in Photography class, Sherry. She as bee thinking of starting a blog here, and I hope she does. I think she would like it. Anyway, we decided to go out and explore the Tribal graveyard and some abandoned houses yesterday with our cameras. At the graveyard it was very interesting to see so many names there that are names for places in my state, like Seattle and Cowlitz. It was also kind of disturbing to see so many small markers with no names on them, just the words "at rest". So many anonymous. w
After that we went and found these three abandoned houses I have seen several times out of the side window of our car. They were in such bad decay I would not dare go inside, especially the first building, the floors had fallen away from the walls, and molding on the bottom of the wall was framing open air below it. The other side was another house that was filled with garbage. Piles of trash bags ripped open by people looking for treasure, animals looking for food, and hard winds and rains. We jokes as we walked around about how recent our tetanus shot was, and how if we fell through the soft spot on the ground to save our cameras. It was so overstimulating. So much stuff. Then there was a two story shop, it was burned recently. Opening up the roof for lovely skylights.
We went to lunch at the Organic Comfort food cafe, my new favorite eatery. So Yummy! We chatted a little before she had to get off to her kiddo's who were home from school. I downloaded my pics from my camera and it hit me, I was SO tired! I slept SO hard last night, I think I might even take a nap today! Still Tired! But it is so nice, I have to get a bike ride in. I wonder where Clementine (bike) will take Ruby (camera) and I today.
