*sarcasm...It's kinda like I was on a date tonight. I mean, my best friend and I went to this bar to eat dinner and before we even enter, these guys are looking at us through the window and staring. We sit down and they continue to stare and whisper to each other and not acknowledge the rather butch ghetto looking  "You just don't look like your myspace picture" broads that were sitting across from them. As I turned around, he would look at his steak and then look at me.* cut, look, cut, sip water, look...ok laugh at heffa's joke..look, meat going into mouth.

And I continued to cut open my bacon wrapped stuffed jalapeno and as the middle oozed out and I continued to think" wow this looks like...the stuffing from a bacon wrapped jalapeno and not cum" and I would smile and flip my hair around and lick my Cadillac Margarita rim cuz I know that shit is kinda sexy and rather salty and you need to lick your rim before you sip a Margarita...Anyways- I knew...that mentally, he was on the date with me.

Uh huh. I left with confidence tonight. When I left there I told myself:

Self.
Yes.
You wanna watch a Sex and the City?
Yes.
Do you wanna wear heels and drink Cosmo's?
No. I wanna wear flip flops, my Seven jeans and drink tequila cuz I don't do Vodka.
Do wanna wait til the 1030PM show cuz all the chicks in high heels somehow scored tickets before you?
No. I'd rather go to Nordstrom and try on Dolce and Gabbana bra's that no one will ever rip off of me.
You can't afford Dolce and Gabbana bra's.
I know. I have to pay for my Vegas habit and my make-me-over MILF waredrobe I'm trying to accomplish.
Well, then what do you want to do self?
I want to spot couples who just don't look right together, like the couple tonight that I was mentally on the date with and break them up.
Sounds good self.
Oh, I also want to play a session of " Do you think these chicks are watching Sex and the City tonight?"
Oh, I betcha this bitch aint with those plaid short, shorts.
Nope, that dude with the orange pants isn't either.
Oh, beautiful $548.00 pair of Jimmy Choo's, are you going to watch Sex and the City?
Nope they're not going either. Good luck to you though finding a guy who knows who Jimmy Choo is.
Do you really want a guy who knows who Jimmy Choo is anyways... because that would wreak GAY...

Well, hey anything to get me out so I'm not spending yet another quiet evening, blogging.

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A few weeks back I found myself asking the question...does everyone have a motive...

Only the assholes do.......

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Is there anything about the "corporate culture" at your place of employment you wish were different?

I wish they would hire more good looking male engineers with a nice ass.

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I think I have had this question asked to me at least 30 times this week....

Who'd you meet in Vegas and did you hook up?

It all started with me boarding my plane and sending my text.Not knowing if he'll get it or whatever or even respond cuz the phone had to be shut off in a matter of minutes.

I get off the plane. And next to Starbucks I see someone and I think to myself Mr. Cali who??? Shit, bitch you's in Vegas-what the fuck is wrong with you.

Then-

Let's see, let's rattle my brain for a minute. The first night was late. We had a couple of drinks and we were just in the hotel bar. There really wasn't much action going on at 1am on Weds night. Especially when you are exhausted from work, travel, etc.

The next day we hung at the pool. Now there was one incredibly good looking guy there, not really my type per say, but shit I aint blind! Man, if anyone has a picture of his ass- then please send it to me!!!
Oh and of course there was Mike from NYC...who referred to me as Polko Dots. And also told me I was sweet. Sweet? I need to work on that. Hallmark cards are sweet. Then he went on to say " if only you'd talk to me, you would make things easier...."

"I have to use the bathroom."

Maybe thats not what he had in mind. Then somewhere in between beers,shots, Margarita's and whatever else 80 proof came my way, we ended up at Tao.Now I think I dressed the part.You know I wore a shirt as a dress.Ok, it's just a REAL short dress. At one point my friend told me she could see my asshole.LOL, cool! NOT. Full coverage underwear it was..

But see, that's the thing. just when I think I'm all nice and skank ready for the club or Vegas for that matter, there is someone out there showing more ass than me or more back than or chest than me....

What does a girl gotta do to get laid around here?

Anyways-*sigh, So when we enter Tao we make our way to the bar and the dancefloor. It's SOO freaking packed that you can't do shit but rub up on each other on the dancefloor. I'm pretty sure that I was mounted and a penis was inserted in my ass, thru my underwear of course, only so that a guy could get by me.

You know, there was a whole lotta looking going on at the club. But that's it. Just a bunch of eyes. Maybe they were drunk and just trying to focus and MAYBE they weren't truly looking at me...but c'mon-again I ask the question- What does a girl gotta do to get laid around here?

Let me remind you. This is Memorial Weekend. Not any old weekend in August but Memorial Day.Flocks of guys, usually are out..Hmmm...

The next night, or the last night actually we found this Lounge at the Mirage called Revolution. I honestly, was a little nervous. I do lounges in Seattle all the time. But Vegas- I'm all about the clubbing scene, whether or not you get your toes smashed or you're paying 14.00 a drink. There's something about the scene that I love.

But as we get into Revolution, dat shit is crackin!!!!!!!!! Music consisted of Musiq, De La Soul, Kanye West,P.Diddy, and more current shit and also older but good shit...There was a variety of people and there was room to sit and room to shake dat ass.

I, personally, had goals to meet someone, a stranger at that, and possibly would have been willing to make out with them. I am being totally honest. I didn't want to get laid. When I ask the question, I'm hypothetically speaking..but I needed something to help get my mind off of the reality.

And if all else fails- I just wanted to dance.

So since it was slim pickins for me in there, I settled for dancing with a nice gentleman from the 510 I think...or Long Beach??Fuck, I don't remember. But anyways- dancing-dancing..takin it low, low,low, low,low...and wearing heels and rather short shorts might I add, my ass got tired. See, dancing on the dancefloor, you don't have to engage in conversation. They try and hit you with 21 questions as you sit down. I tried to avoid that but with heels, I had no choice.

He comes to join me at the couch we're on.

He offers me a drink. Ok, I did one shot with him, sheesh..free Patron-who I am kidding...

Then he decides to start a conversation with me. Like do you have a BF in Seattle, why not, I don't believe you, how could you be single, when was the last time you were in California...you have kids..this is what I do for a living...yea, California and Seattle aren't far at all...I'd love for you to come visit...bring your daughter, she's welcome...Can I get your number so I can keep in touch with you...

"I have to use the bathroom".

That excuse has worked too well for me while in Vegas this time.

Found my friends, hit the bathroom and slipped away onto the casino floor. Didn't leave a number...Thank you for bringing me back to reality just when I wanted to escape it the most.

But you already know what reality is for me. And- trust me, if this guy were more my type and maybe chilled on the come visit C-A-L-I talk, maybe this story would have a different ending.

Nope-didn't meet anyone.

Was I doing something wrong? My boss points out my look wreaks" I like committments and relationships,serious stuff..marriage.." There's a "I like marriage"look? If so, I need to schedule an appointment with a plastic surgeon ASAP and STAT to get that shit removed. I mean- ok, I do like committments..verbally anyways, I do like relationships most of all.

But I don't think I give that look off. I didn't even know there were different looks...Right now if you could see me- just picture the look of confusion.

Because this is what another day in the life of Single Kristina has brought me to, pure confusion and alot of bathroom breaks.

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Time to love and loathe....

Hmmm, let's be optimisitc. Let's start with love:

Love:

the fact that it's really Tuesday and not Monday even though it definitely feels like a Monday.

I have Gabby an extra 2 days.

My boxing session was good and I'm starting to hit properly.

My tan.

I only worked 8 hours today.

Loathe:

I have bad anxiety lately.

He never answered my email.

I'm back at home.

Gabby made a huge mess.

I went over my 500 texts for this month and I don't even like to text...*praying to the Verizon God to send me a good man one day who is in my network....or is willing to talk to me after 9pm....

I don't have enough Vegas pictures.

I'm still coughing...but only because I was offered these white sticks in Vegas and my lungs are reaping the aftermath.

My hair.

I'm bloated. I think. Still shitting buffets and Patron..

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This an email between my friend and I today. A friend, which actually I am very pissed off right now at and I will be blogging about later......But I thought this was hilarious. You have to start from the bottom.

From: M
Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2008 10:00 AM
To: Kristina
Subject: RE: Ebony and Ivory

Yow…somewhere in this shitty neighborhood dogs are dropping like flies.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Oh c’mon…you just stole my joke!! You must be funny then.

Glass breaking?

Did you hear that…?

Ebony and ivory...sumthin, sumthin in  perfect…harmony…side by side on mysumthin shadow..i don’t know...WHY DON”T WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…………..

Are you sure? Sing it.

No I was born already I think…LOL

Old school MJ and Paul McCartney is on…ha! Were you still in your mom’s womb when this song came out?

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Show us something special/unique about your Sunday.

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What event changed your life for the better?
Submitted by Kasey.

My divorce.

*Even though I'm "alone" and a single parent now as a result -when I could have been very easily living the "comfortable" life..

After 32 years, I'm finally finding myself. It's hard but I think it's what I needed.

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We wanted Sushi so we went to the place in our hotel. My portion was like 50.00 but that's alright. I enjoyed Yellow Ahi Tuna Sashimi with panko fried jalapenos on top,a Kalbi Beef skewer and a bowl of lemon grass soup.

I absolutely LOVED it.

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What's your favorite type of cheese? Or, if you don't like cheese, why not?
Submitted by Draegon Scribe.

1. Brie

2. Tillamook Pepper Jack

3. Gouda

4. Cabrales

5. Swiss

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