1 post tagged “el drunko”

I try to be classy.*sigh. Here's my latest.

On the Royal Caribbean, there is a dining room that looks like it's straight from the Titanic. The grand staircase, the tables, a piano, the servers, everything is beautiful. We would eat most of our dinners there promptly every night about 8:30.

I'm guessing here, but I think it was our first formal night. (we have 2) Everyone looks great, we're all enjoying our meals, getting drunk * with class, remember. If you look along the table, you would see wine glasses, bottles, Dirty Martini's..you know classy shit.

Well, my roomy for the trip orders a $50.00 bottle of wine. He seemed to know what he was ordering, I mean really, $50 for wine, you must really like wine. He asks me, do you like wine, I just ordered a bottle..I'm like, oh yea..pshh, of course. But I was thinking, OH NO.

Lemme take you back a bit to very painful moment for me. All can say is Worst Date #51.Ring any bells? What did we down with our seared steaks and avocado salsa? Red, Red Wine. Didn't make me feel fine, kept throwing up all over him, all of the time. And mixed with Rasberry Vodka *flashbacks of me..oh wait no flashbacks cuz I DON'T REMEMBER SHIT, I was fucked up.

So I was scurred.

I didn't know whether it was the wine, or the Vodka * it wasn't my dinner, but I knew that maybe, just maybe if I accept that glass of wine, I will get drunk. All class goes down the drain at that point.

So the server brings the wine, takes out the cork, sticks in his nose, licks it, just joking. He pours it for my friend, then pours it for me. I'm like ok....here I am with this glass of wine in front of me. *keep in my mind, I don't know shit about wine, I cook with it, I know how to reduce it down and make a sauce outta it, but as far as tastes...clueless.

I'm watching my friend closely. He picks up the glass, gently swivels it around, then sips it.

Paying attention still?

Here's my chance to be classy. I look over at at him, my friends sitting across from me and etc. I'm making sure that they aren't totally staring at me. I pick up my glass, gently swivel it *like I knew really knew why I was doing this, and I....took a big ass gulp. *mos def wasn't a communion sip

I was drunk by the time dinner was over. * I don't think I was being un-classy though.

Throughout the night, I drank more. Not more wine, but just more alcohol in general. The next morning..I woke up at who knows what time, I could feel the boat moving, my head was pounding, terrible hangover. Yea..the Caribbean help soak it up *gloating big time right now, but the wino headache was there.

So...back here in Seattle now I'm broke. I asked my friend the other night, how does the broke get drunk? She said...OH...wine. I said, well could at least a Caberbnet or something..I don't do just any wine. She was like well what do you like, I said red, not Merlot's. She said try this and this, blah, blah.

After the cruise, I kinda grew fond of red wine. I mean it definitely didn't remind me of my Grandmother's Carlos Rossi..*pass me that plant so I can hurl in it.

I told my friend about me swiveling the glass all incognito-like so I can fit in. She was laughing her ass off. Spuratically through our conversation during the night, she'd act like she's swiveling a glass.
Then as I'm licking the salt off the rim of my Margarita glass like it's a head of a penis, she starts with me.

*Swivel, Swivel, Kristina, remember class, we're here at The Matador.