kristinauncensored’s blog

You throw a banana & I will go bananas...

nobody@vox.com(kristina-uncensored) — Wed, 07 May 2008 21:17:01 -0700

I'm not trying to be a mean mom.

But this is what happened. And in my defense, all I have is me. I don't have the other parent or male figure around for guidance or to second guess my parenting decisions.

Gabby loves her snack when I pick her up from daycare. Usually I give her a banana or crackers...you know something to carry her over while I'm at the gym. The bananas I've been buying have been pretty huge lately. So I cut part of it and give her the bigger portion.

She really wanted her banana, so I gave her the half that was hers. She's SO upset that the banana is open and that she wasn't able to open it herself. Right now she's in that stage where " I wanna do it myself Mama.." is all I hear.

Well, before I even leave the parking lot, she throws it in an angry fit.

I turn around and I said:

"Gabby, why did you throw it? You wanted a banana, I gave you a banana..just because it was open doesn't mean you can't eat it"

She's pouting...not answering..

"You know, no cartoons tonight. We will go home, eat dinner and not mac and cheese, take a bath and we're going to sleep........"

Silence the whole car ride.

When we arrive at home, she says she wants the banana. I asked if she can say sorry about throwing it and she says NO. Ok, "Well, let's eat dinner and don't even think about the TV"

"Mama, cartoons.........."

"NO"

"mac and cheese....cartoons..."

"NO, your dinner is chicken, with noodles and peas...that is cheese, it's just white, eat it now."

It was really cream of mushroom sauce.

"Mama, I threw the banana at you in the car now I'm in trouble"

"Yes."

"If you finish your dinner, you can watch TV for 30 minutes then it's bath time"

She finished her dinner, we played "goin to get a happy meal" and "shake yo booty"...Then we took a bath. She's getting her 30 minutes of TV right now as I type this.

The reason why I thought I was being harsh on a 3 year old was because I told her no cartoons and especially no mac and cheese. Fuck, everyday..mac and cheese, mac and cheese. She likes other foods but dammit mac and cheese can't be dinner every week night when I have her.

Well, on a positive note, she did apologize and bat those beautiful eyes of hers. And I didn't lose my temper with her, which is something I found doing last month when my stress was at it's highest point.

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It could have been worse.

nobody@vox.com(kristina-uncensored) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:32:47 -0800

Tonight I decided to throw Gabby in her Dora underwear and see what happens.

I told her:

Gabby, I'm taking off your diapers...I'm putting your underwear on. When you have to go pee, tell Mommy and I will take you to go potty. Don't pee in your underwear."

Gabby: Yes Mama.

So as I'm packing, I'm glancing over at her just to see how's she adjusting. Well, I caught her picking her underwear out her ass. She must have learned that from me....

She's getting it down.

Then I notice she's been gone a few minutes. I walk in the bedroom and what do I see? Gabby standing in a puddle of her piss..Oh great. I remind myself not to get angry. I clean her up put her on the toilet and explain again...when you're wearing underwear, you tell Mama and we'll go to the potty.

Gabby: Yes Mama.

We're now in the kitchen. She's helping me by holding the bag open for me while I organize my spices. Then I look down. I see yet another puddle. I'm thinking, holy shit, I thought we were packing dry baking goods right now....Don't tell me....

She pissed again.

We'll try this again tomorrow night..............

It could have been worse, right? She could have shitted everywhere....But wait she didn't touch her dinner....

The challenges of being a parent.

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And yet another challenge...

nobody@vox.com(kristina-uncensored) — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 07:50:31 -0800

A few months ago I was driving home from the daycare and Gabby was singing and talking. Whenever we go down hills, she's so excited like it a roller coaster.Well as soon as we were down the hill and turned into my block, she says" Mama, this is your house...my home is with Daddy."

I tried to explain to her that when she's with me, this is OUR house, not just my house.So I tried to understand how a 2 year old comes up with these things in their head. I thought that she was associating me living in an apt and her dad living in an actual house was maybe where she is thinking that "home" means house.

So the other week as she was playing, she says"Mama, my family is my daddy, {insert his other daughter's name here},{insert daddy's girlfriends name here},and {insert the girlfriends 2 kids}.I told her that I am your mommy, I am your family as well.

She says,"No Mama, you are alone"

She's said it a few times since then. And the thing is when she first said it, it was on a week that her father originally has her. I was taking care of her because she was sick.

I just find it hard to think that a 2 1/2 year old can think of these complex sentences and come up with the fact that their mother is alone and daddy has a family.

My natural instinct was that her father or someone in that fucking house is planting this into her brain. I'm going off of the fact that when we were together and he had his other daughter(he had full custody) he would say stuff in front of his daughter to down grate her mother. Grant it that her mother didn't take her when she was supposed to, or never took her out for ice cream and shit like that..But I always used to tell him that shit talking about her mother wasn't cool to do in front of her.

When he came to drop her off over the weekend, I thought it was the perfect time to bring it up the fact that my child views me as "alone".

And again, I don't how many times before when I bring up issues with him, he says shit like, yea he'll take care of it, or yea, it'll get done and it never got done or he forgets, or it wasn't that important, or it affected his cash flow or something...excuses galore.

Me: You know the other night when I was taking care of her this is what she said........
Ex: She never says stuff like that at my house
Me: Well, someone her age wouldn't think shit up like that, I think she's learning it from someone, maybe your other daughter??
Ex: we never talk about you, I mean she has mentioned that you're alone and I just look at her like ok...and she'll just repeat herself
Me: Well can you ask...that's not cool.
Ex: of course....

Whatever, according to your sister sometimes you ignore the kids, if you're dropping Gabby with me this week then that means her sister is going to her mother's house and therefore you will "forget" and the week will go by and nothing will have been discussed. I will mention it again this weekend and you will tell me you're busy like the way we spent most of our marriage. You were too busy to discuss house issues, too busy to discuss with your daughter that myspace at age 8 is too young, you were too busy to talk about general parenting issues with her mother so that you guys could be on the same page, you were too busy to sleep with me...My list of busy ass shit excuses could on and on...

I am a good mother. I think I'm great. I think that I am raising Gabby well and that I'm trying to be a positive influence on her. I don't need her thinking that there is something wrong with me because I haven't shacked up with someone and their 5 bebe's kids...and I live in an apartment. That's all I can afford. When Gabby grabs a bit more understanding on things like economy and the fact that women make less than men, it'll all make sense to her. She'll know that her mother loves her and provides for her and takes her for ice cream, trips to the park, Barnes and Noble, and Jamba Juice...

And yet another challenge of single parenting.

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So much

nobody@vox.com(kristina-uncensored) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:10:09 -0800

on my mind right now...but so little time...

Well, I have a ton of crap on mind and I have to let it out, but it's going to have to wait til tonight when the little one goes to sleep..Ugh....

life, single parenting, cleaning, Mr. Cali......

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